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Barney's Magical Musical Adventure
(Instead of the intro, we start to a black screen that’s part of the episode) G-man (V.O): Previously on the G-man Wiki… (Cut to where the previous episode left off: The G-man cautiously reaching for his closet doorknob. Upon grabbing it, the screen goes black as the G-man’s screaming is heard. Cut to the intro, and then to the G-man waking up in his basement while tied to a chair) G-man: What the hell?! Hey! Let me outta here! ???: Heya! (The camera pans around to reveal the Hell Frog covered by shadows) G-man: What the-? Who are you!? (The lights turn on to reveal the Hell Frog’s true identity; Bunji the Frog from Pantsylvania) Bunji: Heya, G-man! Nice to finally meet ‘ya! G-man: You!? What the hell do you want from me?! Bunji: Oh, just congratulating you on getting through all of that Peppermint Park stuff. Yup! G-man: Okay…? And why am I tied up? Bunji: Oh, y’know… Just consuming you’re, uh… Soul? G-man (Worriedly): My soul…? Bunji: You know it! But, uh, if you don’t fancy that, you could stay there forever. Y’know, if you wanna. G-man (Angrily): Are you crazy?! I have a show to maintain! Bunji: Well now, if that’s the case, how about you review somethin’? It’s a nice little film called Barney’s Magical Musical Adventure! G-man: Son of a shit! (The main theme starts as clips from the film begin to play) Bunji (V.O): This is yet another request by the Legendary Jaden from your Wiki! Oh boy, this is exciting! G-man (V.O): Of all the things I have to review to get out of this, why does it have to be Barney?! (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Ha! Jokes on you, but I don’t have anyone to review it with! Therefor, I won’t have to! Bunji: Oh, of course you have someone! Lemme just go get ‘em for ya! (Bunji sticks out his long tongue and drags in Joe Santagato who is also tied to a chair) G-man: Joe? What’re you doing here? Joe: You reviewed all the Peppermint Park episodes, didn’t you? G-man: Uh… Joe: Nice job, asshole! Now we’re both fucked, and forced to review a Barney film! G-man: Well, let’s get this over with… (Cut to the opening) Joe (V.O): After our usual opening theme, we see some annoying kids building a sandcastle. Girl 1: Welcome to the royal sandcastle! Girl 2 (To the plush Barney doll): Isn’t this really great? See? (As Barney) It sure is! It’s super-dee-duper! (Cut back to the duo) Joe: What the hell does "Super-dee-duper" mean anyway? G-man: Who knows? Maybe it’s secretly a satanic curse? (Cut back to the film) G-man (V.O): The kids decide to have a parade around the castle, and then we get one of the many song numbers in this shit. Kids (Singing simultaneously): The noble duke of York. He had ten thousand men. He marched them up to the top of the hill, and he marched them down again! Joe (V.O): Thankfully, the song doesn’t last too long, but our luck runs out when Barney appears. Barney: Would you really like to visit a castle today? Boy: We sure would! But, how can we? Barney: That’s easy! We can go anywhere we want to just by using our imaginations! (Cut back to the duo) G-man: Or, hear me out; just use that weird shit from We Happy Few! (Cut back to the film) G-man (V.O): They imagine an enchanted forest on the other side of a gate, and then we get, you know it! Another damn song! Joe (V.O): Can we play something else? G-man (V.O): You know, I think we can! (We Make the Pants plays over the scene. Cut back to the duo looking confused) G-man: What the hell? That was supposed to be X Gon Give it to Ya! Who changed my joke?! Bunji: That would be my doin’, y’know. Joe: You won’t let us listen to good music? Go to hell! (Cut back to the film) Girl 1: Hey look, everybody! Here’s a sign! Girl 2: It must mean that the castle’s this way! Joe (V.O sarcastically): Wow, great observation! (In normal tone) They eventually find a part of the forest with an echo… (Cut back to the duo briefly): We’re confused, too… (Cut back to the film) And we get another fucking song! Again: Skip! G-man (V.O): We eventually get this bit of stupidity: Girl 1 (Nervously): Who’s out there? ???: Would you really like to see? Then here I come! Watch out for me! Girl 1: What if it’s a giant? Boy: What if it’s a big, scary monster? Barney: What if it’s a dinosaur?! (He panics a bit before realizing) Wait a minute, I’m a dinosaur! (Cut back to the duo looking unamused briefly before we cut to a clip from Robot Chicken) Leonidas: This. Isn’t. Funny! (He kicks the TV before we cut back to the film) G-man (V.O): The gang runs away, saving the reveal of the voice until later, but we won’t have to wait that long since she’s revealed in the next scene! What was the fucking point of that?! ???: I’m the echo you didn’t see. Just a moment ago, you ran from me! (Cut) I’m happy to introduce myself; my name is Twinkle, and I’m an elf! (Cut back to the duo) G-man: Go elf yourself! (Cut back to the film) Joe (V.O): Twinkle won’t let them pass until they complete three challenges. Those being stand on one finger, sing a pointless song, and… Twinkle: I do one thing, and one thing only; I guard this bridge, but I get lonely! So, here is thing number three: Would all of you be friends with me? (Cut back to the duo) G-man: Hold on! She made them do all that just so they could be friends with her?! Wasn’t that the same tactic used by the Winkster in Barney Live in New York City? Bunji: Why, yes it was! Duo (Simultaneously): STAY OUT OF THIS! (Cut back to the film) Joe (V.O solo): Anyway, they make this obviously-insane elf their friend, and then they head to the castle. Twinkle: Can’t go through metal, can’t go through rock. But they open the gate at 3 o’clock! Boy: It’s almost 3 o’clock now! We can just have fun out here ‘til the gate opens! Barney: Maybe our new friend would like to have fun with us! Twinkle: Oh, I am happy to be your friend! It’s time to go back to my bridge again! G-man (V.O solo): And guess what? She’s never seen nor mentioned ever again! She’s more pointless than Howard the Duck’s cameo at the end of Guardians of the Galaxy! Joe (V.O): Anyway, we get yet another pointless song with clearly-fake horses, and then the gate opens. And then we meet the king who is… King: Welcome to my kingdom, Michael! And Derek, I’m glad you came! So pleased to meet you, Min! And Tina, thank you for coming to my castle! (Cut back to the duo looking disturbed) Duo (Simultaneously): Creepier than Tinkerputt! G-man (Solo): Seriously, I’m surprised the FBI don’t arrest him after the film is over! Bunji: Aw, c’mon! Why don’t you give him a chance? Joe (Solo): If you say so… (Cut back to the film) Tina: How did you know our names? King: Oh, Barney’s told me about every one of you! Barney: The King and I have been friends for a long, long time! King: Ever since I was a little prince! About this high! G-man (V.O): Nope. Still creepy. Anyway, for some bizarre reason, the king wants to go fishing, but he can’t. The reason, you ask? King: But being a king is a full-time job. I can’t go fishing because somebody has to stay here and watch the castle all the time! And somebody has to wear this crown! (He starts singing) If I had one wish, I would love to fish, but I have to stay right here. I would like to go out and catch some trout in a pond or lake that’s near! (Cut back to the duo) Joe: That has got to be the worst plot device ever! Why can’t he get his men, or even the Queen to watch the castle? In fact, where is the Queen during this film? G-man: Knowing Bunji, he probably ate her! Bunji: Nuh-uh! I’m on a diet at the moment. (Cut back to the film) Michael: Hey! I’ve got a terrific idea! (Cut) Somebody has to watch your castle, and somebody has to wear your crown. King (Talking): Yes? Michael: We can watch your castle, and Barney can wear your crown! (Cut back to the duo) Joe: What the-? No! Letting someone as brainless as Barney run a castle? (Sarcastically) What could possibly go wrong? (In normal tone) Everything! Everything could go wrong! (Cut back to the film) Joe (V.O): Being the idiot that he is, he agrees and leaves the castle in the hands of the others. After the Old King Cole song, we decide to have a royal tea party with… (Baby Bop appears) Oh, for fuck’s sake! (Cut back to the duo) Joe: Baby Bop is in this film, too?! G-man: Well, we couldn’t have an annoying Barney review without her, huh? (Cut back to the film) G-man (V.O): And then we get a load of quickfire Nursery Rhymes such as Polly Put the Kettle On, and Little Jack Horner. All which have no point whatsoever. Min: This castle is full of surprises! I wonder if there could be any more? Barney: Oh, there could be! Baby Bop: Ooh, look! I see a surprise! C’mon! (She leads the others to a large chest on a stool) Derek: Look at this! Tasha: I wonder what’s inside. BB: Maybe a present for Baby Bop? (Cut back to the duo) Duo (Chanting simultaneously): Mimic! Mimic! Mimic! (Cut back to the film. The chest is opened to reveal a plethora musical instruments) Derek: It’s full of musical instruments! Tasha: I’ll bet these are for the royal musicians to play. Michael: Say! Maybe we could be the royal musicians today! (Cut back to the duo) G-man (Solo): Hey, Joe. Want to skip it like we always do? Joe (Solo): Hell yes! (Cut back to the film) Joe (V.O): Anyway, we go home, get our usual ending song, and that’s the end. (Cut back to the duo) G-man: Alright, Bunji, we finished the movie. Can we get out of here now? Bunji: Y’know, I was gonna spare you, but seeing as how you two are so entertaining, I’m gonna keep you both! Joe: Seriously?! What more do you want from us!? G-man: That’s it! PIVOT! (Pivot appears next to Bunji) Pivot: Yo, what’s up? Joe: What the hell is that?! Pivot (Under his breath): Every fucking time… (Aloud) What is it? G-man: Can you untie us, and maybe kill that frog while you’re at it? Pivot (As he’s pulling out his Stick Sword): Sure thing! (Pivot swings his Stick Sword at the ropes. Freeing the two reviewers. The G-man pulls out the Rift Blade and aims it Bunji) Bunji: Hey, hey, hey! Let’s just wait a sec! Mercy, please? G-man: Nah, I think I’ll just click on your belly! Bunji: Aw, shi-! (He gets cut off by the Rift Blade’s special ability being fired at him. Making him fade to nothing. Breathing a sigh of relief, the G-man puts the sword away) Joe: …What the hell was that?! G-man: It’s a long story… Joe: Yeah, a story I want to know! G-man: Pivot, show him the exit. Pivot: Alright, asshole, get outta here! (Groaning in frustration, Joe walks out of frame) See ya! (Pivot leaves as well) G-man: Well, that was something! Well, I am the G-man, and that’s all you need to know about that! Peace! Category:Episode